Forget cowboys...give me a fireman!

Here's my favourite Stampede story. Fittingly enough, it all happened at Nashville North, a HUGE, grimy tent with lots of beer and cowboy hats.

Met a boy who was joking about working as a plumber and coffee maker for the city and then suddenly says, you know what I really do, right? Turns out, he has a profession that is irresitable to all of womankind. The un-exact quote was along the lines of "I didn't tell you what I actually do for a living because girls usually just want me for that reason alone". Turns out he's a fireman. Woohoo! I was pretty proud that I didn't fall for him in that second. I'm also proud that I didn't say "jack-fucking-pot". Here's the best part...the twat was wearing a freakin' fire department shirt for all the world to see! Dumb-ass. Okay, that's one.

Then he goes on to say, "You know that firemen don't make all that much money, right? I do what I do because I love it so much, yada, yada, yada". Getting better and better, huh? I told him that I'm okay with him being poor if he's okay with me being rich. You see, I'm far too shallow to do something I love for no money, I'd rather take over the world and be unhappy along the way. That's two.

Next, he goes on a tangent about how he wants someone who will just get along with his buddies, how they have bbq's together all the time and he doesn't want to have to babysit anyone. They're his family. Awwww. Told him I wasn't going to marry him...or his "family" so he should stop scaring the hell out of me. I know this is Calgary, but shouldn't you dance at least 2 songs before marriage discussions? That's three.

Speaking of dancing, he manages to finally drag me on to the dance floor. I did it mostly because I wanted to shut him up. Anyways, on the way to the dance floor, he asks how tall I was. His response to my answer was "It is so great that you are only 5'3 cause I am 5'6 and I'm usually the shortest guy around and the guys at the station are always giving me a hard time". First of all, shut-up before you say anything stupid and secondly, do you really want to point out that you are the shortest guy around?! That's four but oh, we're not done yet.

Next is "I used to have a problem with Asians but now I am totally over that. I find your culture to be so amazing and the girls are so exotic". Look how much this guy has grown and developed! Wow, not only will he accept Asians in his white, narrow-minded, nazi-raced mind, he is also dancing with one. Does he realize that his children may not have blond hair and blue eyes? I'm positive that he will soon be walking without having to drag his fists along the ground. That's five.

Then the grand finale: "You should come and hang out at the station with me. I want to introduce you to all my firemen friends, they are totally going to think I won a trophy". Fan-fucking-tastic. That's six.

So, you may be wondering why I stuck around for all that. Actually, the really sad thing is that it really didn't last that long. He managed all that in about 20 minutes, pretty impressive huh? There's also the fact that I was actually highly amused by the whole thing.

Stay tuned for the sequel that will never, ever happen.

Dog and pony show

Well, I've just survived my first Stampede in my new home town. It's amazing, the capacity for adults to play at Halloween for 10 straight days. I have a hard enough time with the dress up game once a year. The rule of thumb appeared to come down to two things...small and tight. I lived in constant fear all week lest I get a peak at body parts I really didn't want to see.

Not only are the cowboy costumes bizarre, the party pace in the city boggles the mind. It simply does not stop...where do these people get their energy? It's funny though, most locals (or at least, born and bred Calgarians) do tend to avoid the whole thing.