Beginnings & Endings

I recently ended (another) short relationship with someone who had a lot of potential but there were some fundamental problems. While I'm a little sad because he was a great guy, I think that I'm more upset with the loss of potential and possibilities than the actual dude.

The beginning of relationships are kind of like Christmas Eve. It's when you're sitting at the cusp of something exciting that's been building for several weeks & months but it's not over yet, you still have something to look forward to. When you first meet someone, there's still so much to discover - who they are, what they like, how they tick. And there's an endless amount of possibilities on where this could go. It's the draw of the unknown that keeps me excited and interested. I'm much better at building than I am at maintaining. Meaning that I don't easily get into a groove of a monogamous relationship. I tend to get bored easily and then usually do something stupid to wreck things so I can move on. But that's another blog for another day :)

The ending of a relationship feels like Christmas night. The presents are opened, the food eaten and carols sung and you know that the holiday of goodwill and cheer is coming to a close. Winter will descend quickly with no long weekends and just endless days of rain or snow to look forward to. Not to mention that the frenetic pace of the holidays has you exhausted and the gift-giving & holiday-making means you're almost broke. Which often leaves me pondering, was it all worth it?

Those who know me, know how much I love Christmas. I'm one of those crazy people who listens to Christmas carols in October and will make an excuse to go shopping on Christmas Eve just to be in the midst of the holiday bustle one last time. That's because Christmas is really a holiday based around families, and my family is important to me. So, yes, I think that all the craziness of Christmas is worth it and I suffer through the post-Christmas blues with one last eggnog latte as I smile and reminisce over how my nephews reacted to their presents.

But back to the relationship front. Is it worth it? I'm not sure. I have made some great friends over the years from failed relationships so I can't complain too loudly. However, I'm still not convinced that all the hassle is worth it. When I mention this to friends, they always tell me that one day I'll meet someone who will knock me on my ass and then I will see what the big deal is about. Until then, I'm happy coasting along...preferably sometime in August when the sun is still shining and Christmas is still either a vague memory or something looming in the very distant horizon.