Dads & Married Men

The baggage really starts to pile up as you get older. More years to date, get married, have children, etc. Even so, I had not really thought about what it would mean to date someone with children. I guess that's because I feel way too young myself to be a parent. Still, my first experience dating a single dad was a very positive one.

Yes, there were definitely challenges, especially around scheduling and working around dinners, bedtimes, etc. But it was offset with how much this guy clearly loved being a father. It was actually really attractive, even though I am not looking for someone with a paternal streak. I'm not even sure if I want kids, even though my nephews are the favourite things in my life.

Speaking of baggage, a girlfriend recently told me that she's been with a married man for the past 2 years!!! While I'm trying hard not to judge, I can not believe that a smart, cool woman like her would have any part in such a bad situation. I know that we can't always choose who we fall in love with, plus I would like to believe that we do have soul mates (even if you don't always get to be together), however, I also know that we as humans have the capacity to make conscious decisions between right and wrong. And having just walked away from a great guy recently because I knew it wouldn't work, I can not fathom chasing down such a dead end rabbit hole as falling for a married man. I wish her the best of luck because I just can't see how this could possibly turn out okay for anyone.

Beginnings & Endings

I recently ended (another) short relationship with someone who had a lot of potential but there were some fundamental problems. While I'm a little sad because he was a great guy, I think that I'm more upset with the loss of potential and possibilities than the actual dude.

The beginning of relationships are kind of like Christmas Eve. It's when you're sitting at the cusp of something exciting that's been building for several weeks & months but it's not over yet, you still have something to look forward to. When you first meet someone, there's still so much to discover - who they are, what they like, how they tick. And there's an endless amount of possibilities on where this could go. It's the draw of the unknown that keeps me excited and interested. I'm much better at building than I am at maintaining. Meaning that I don't easily get into a groove of a monogamous relationship. I tend to get bored easily and then usually do something stupid to wreck things so I can move on. But that's another blog for another day :)

The ending of a relationship feels like Christmas night. The presents are opened, the food eaten and carols sung and you know that the holiday of goodwill and cheer is coming to a close. Winter will descend quickly with no long weekends and just endless days of rain or snow to look forward to. Not to mention that the frenetic pace of the holidays has you exhausted and the gift-giving & holiday-making means you're almost broke. Which often leaves me pondering, was it all worth it?

Those who know me, know how much I love Christmas. I'm one of those crazy people who listens to Christmas carols in October and will make an excuse to go shopping on Christmas Eve just to be in the midst of the holiday bustle one last time. That's because Christmas is really a holiday based around families, and my family is important to me. So, yes, I think that all the craziness of Christmas is worth it and I suffer through the post-Christmas blues with one last eggnog latte as I smile and reminisce over how my nephews reacted to their presents.

But back to the relationship front. Is it worth it? I'm not sure. I have made some great friends over the years from failed relationships so I can't complain too loudly. However, I'm still not convinced that all the hassle is worth it. When I mention this to friends, they always tell me that one day I'll meet someone who will knock me on my ass and then I will see what the big deal is about. Until then, I'm happy coasting along...preferably sometime in August when the sun is still shining and Christmas is still either a vague memory or something looming in the very distant horizon.

Modern Day Dating

I watched 'He's Just Not That Into You' a few months ago and absolutely hated it. It portrayed almost every woman as a pathetic, clingy loser willing to put up with anything if only a man would complete her! And the guys were either two-timing assholes or complete douchebags. However, I digress...I bring up this movie because in it, Drew Barrymore's character has a mini-meltdown about all the ways that one can communicate changing how dating evolves, and then she says 'I'm exhausted'.
Being a 30-something, totally connected, single gal, I can totally relate. Though I don't date nearly as much as I used to, I am finding that technology more often hinders than helps early in a relationship. I'm not a romantic by any warped, stretch of the imagination but seriously, how and when did it become acceptable to use text messaging as a primary (or only) vehicle of communication? Especially early in a relationship when you're trying to get to know each other and determine if there's any chemistry? I firmly believe that chemistry can not be determined via electronic means, which leaves face to face or the occasional phone call. Emails, texts, IM's, FB posts and Twitter messages should wait! Or at the very least supplement the more personal touch points.
I've met three guys over the past few years who insist on having a relationship with my blackberry versus making an effort to meet or even talk on the phone. Needless to say this doesn't last very long. I have neither the time nor patience for that nonsense.
I get the irony of this coming from someone who does what I do for work and is glued to her blackberry. I guess I do have a glimmer of a romantic in me afterall :)