Sometimes it's really obvious when you need to let go of a relationship. Something that was once special, had the potential to be amazing but ultimately isn't good for you. There's the obvious cases like an abusive relationship or infidelity but what happens when it's less traumatic? I've never been one of those people who understood when people stuck with relationships well past their sell date. But then it's easy to let go when you're not emotionally invested in a relationship.
Generally speaking, I don't have too hard of a time when relationships end. While I'll feel the occasional nostalgia, I'm usually pretty philosophical when endings happen - figuring it didn't happen for a reason and it frees me up to look for the right person. I always just assumed that I was strong willed but now I realize it's because I never cared enough. How did I come to that realization? Recently I met someone who blew past all my barriers and natural reserve. The chemistry was incredible and pretty combustable. There's only been one other time in my life when I felt this way and as with the previous time, this burned out as fast as it exploded into my life. A decade later and for only the second time in my life I was left reeling and not wanting to let go of someone. But of course I did...good ol' will power and life experience kicked in.
While it was difficult and painful, I didn't call, email, text, whatsapp, Facebook or any other communication verb you can think of with this guy. In my mid-20's I met someone who knocked me off my feet almost immediately. Unfortunately he didn't feel the same way and even worse, I kept hanging on and hoping for things to change. What's that definition of insanity again? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? So in that case, we had some vicious (but fun) habits that we didn't break for almost 4 years. The on again / off again emotional roller coaster was a nightmare and ultimately not worth it. Had I had the strength to walk away sooner, I might be able to look back on that relationship with a bit more fondness than I do. But it did give me the strength to walk away from the latest possible train wreck. As much as I liked this guy, he didn't want me the same way and I know the emotional toll an unreciprocated relationship takes. This is also one of the reasons I'm so ruthlessly blunt in most of my relationships. There's no way to avoid hurt feelings when romantic relationships come to an end but total honesty and transparency go a long way to helping the healing process.
So, when is it time to let go? When you know you'll regret holding on in the long term.
Generally speaking, I don't have too hard of a time when relationships end. While I'll feel the occasional nostalgia, I'm usually pretty philosophical when endings happen - figuring it didn't happen for a reason and it frees me up to look for the right person. I always just assumed that I was strong willed but now I realize it's because I never cared enough. How did I come to that realization? Recently I met someone who blew past all my barriers and natural reserve. The chemistry was incredible and pretty combustable. There's only been one other time in my life when I felt this way and as with the previous time, this burned out as fast as it exploded into my life. A decade later and for only the second time in my life I was left reeling and not wanting to let go of someone. But of course I did...good ol' will power and life experience kicked in.
While it was difficult and painful, I didn't call, email, text, whatsapp, Facebook or any other communication verb you can think of with this guy. In my mid-20's I met someone who knocked me off my feet almost immediately. Unfortunately he didn't feel the same way and even worse, I kept hanging on and hoping for things to change. What's that definition of insanity again? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? So in that case, we had some vicious (but fun) habits that we didn't break for almost 4 years. The on again / off again emotional roller coaster was a nightmare and ultimately not worth it. Had I had the strength to walk away sooner, I might be able to look back on that relationship with a bit more fondness than I do. But it did give me the strength to walk away from the latest possible train wreck. As much as I liked this guy, he didn't want me the same way and I know the emotional toll an unreciprocated relationship takes. This is also one of the reasons I'm so ruthlessly blunt in most of my relationships. There's no way to avoid hurt feelings when romantic relationships come to an end but total honesty and transparency go a long way to helping the healing process.
So, when is it time to let go? When you know you'll regret holding on in the long term.
